Beautifuleness//

Mon, 23 Jun 2003 07:18:43 GMT

I really thought this was going to work, but I'm not so sure anymore. I guess if it didn't work the first time, there's no chance it will work the 2nd time. I guess I just don't know anymore. I wish he would understood..that even if I haven't been getting along with my mother that its hard saying goodbye to her. People seem to forget that because their lives aren't similar to mine that the same outcome will come out of it as in there's. I wish he understood. So cold right now..

And I believed him, and I took him back, but maybe it was a stupid mistake on his part. I wish he'd see what he has before its too late..because its getting to that.

Fri, 20 Jun 2003 21:42:15 GMT

I need some help. Every comment asap, please~!:) Thanks..

Well, I decided I want to do something special for my boyfriend this weekend. Except I don't know what. I want to buy him something, er something. I'm not sure what. And I need some help as to what he would like.

Ok, so he likes the following things:
~Hockey
~Abercrombie
~Guitars
~The Beatles
~Led Zepplin
~Fishing
~Golf
~Toking
~Drinking

If that helps..PLEASE HELP ME ASAP!!!!=]

Wed, 18 Jun 2003 02:05:16 GMT

So what has Jenny been really up to lately? Trouble! Straight up trouble, not to mention. Yesterday's incident, to top it off I still haven't started.

Lately I have been laying out in the sun everyday. Whoo! Then spending time with my boyfriend, Brian, Rob, and Rudder, and whoever else shows up. Its been fun.

I really haven't hung out with my friends because Bailey~my bestfriend is grounded, and now she's in Texas for the week. Jenn~can only really do things with people who live closer to her. The rest don't call me or cancel plans. That and I haven't been making too much of an effort either because a lot of people have BIG mouths;/ Oh well...I have a bad feeling something bad is going to continue to happen. I hate those, but if I ignore them, they get worse. So I won't ignore;/

Thu, 01 May 2003 03:03:44 GMT

Does anyone know how to get rid of dry skin? Besides lotion..I've never had dry skin before=/ ugh..sorry to be all girly and stuff but hey can't help it.

Anyways..I e-mailed my boyfriend about if he meant luv or love..now I feel stupid because he could've meant luv. So hopefully I find out asap tommorrow. I feel so stupid about it, but hey..I said it wouldn't hurt me if he meant luv, but I will admit it will, but I don't want him to feel pressured. I just don't want to get hurt. I've never really been so stupid with my feelings, like I want to scream outloud about it, but I say not a peep. I hope he meant *love*. No one knows how different this is for me..it makes me so excited I could pee my pants, ok night time<33 Wish me luck please..say a prayer..haha Imma dork..x0x
~Jen

Wed, 30 Apr 2003 19:38:56 GMT

Hey ya'll;D If I added you, would you add me back please? I'm feeling a little lazy to leave comments saying I'm adding ya'll<33 Sorry it takes too damn long, I could understand if I don't know you, but hey I know you- lilmahoody duh!! heh, much love. Like my lay-out? ;D x0x
~Mahoodness//

No purpose..

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 23:27:52 GMT

Just needed an excuse to flash my new icon..it makes me drool=] mmmm=P

Sat, 15 Mar 2003 00:41:15 GMT

Does anyone know where I can find some good scripts online? Let me know~=]

Fri, 21 Feb 2003 20:04:24 GMT

I just finished a book. At first you think its basically giving you reasons to cheat, and why you should. Near the end it shows you why its not a good idea. Not that it's the real world or anything. I think I now understand why I am more mature than most people my age, and why I tend to be more open-minded. Because I read. A lot of people don't. I read newspapers, magazines, books, etc. I use to hate reading, then when family crap happened it was all I could do to keep me from losing myself a long with it. It did help. Helped me through the hard times.

Now people say reading isn't reality, but in a way it is. For some people. It helps people relate, and cope with things that are unbearable. Plus I think nothing is better than pulling out a book, or a magazine while laying on the beach under hot sun, reading. Then I usually get tired and doze off, but hey it's ok. I wake up tan:)

No plans today without any money, or it looks that way. It sucks. Stupid thing having to pay $300 to fix. Grr..and then dinner last night, and dinner Wed. :< Hmph..my tummy hurts..I'm going to go lay down. Peace.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a fantasy//

Sun, 22 Dec 2002 04:00:14 GMT

You are everything, and everything is you..*Singing that Jennifer Lopez song..hehe:D I love her new cd. Dan comes in at 12 tonight//tommorow morning. So now there's going to be two big brother Marine's home for the holidays=)aww!

My aunt, my brother, my grandma, and I all had a talk with my brother. It was funny. He finally admitted that he really liked her [Melissa], and he didn't know what to do because he doesn't know if she likes him. Aw..I hope she does. He told me he never opened car doors, doors period for a girl, but he did for her. He sent her flowers while she was working. He took her out to dinner twice. He sucks up to her parents, he does so much more than he ever does. He says he doesn't look at any other girls, and she's the only on his mind. I think this might be a his first heartbreak..he's changed SO much. If you know my brother, you knew him for being cocky, over-confident, BIG PLAYER, and a lot of people think he's an asshole. Melissa makes him a better person, ever sense he took her out, and everything he has been in la la land. It's so funny, but in the same sense its sad because he might not get to see her again before he leaves, and he really likes her, almost to the point where I would say hes in love with her.

I hope he sees her Monday, and I hope she gives him a chance. He is willing to have a long distance relationship, and says he'd swear he'd never cheat on her. I really hope he gets her, and it's official Dan is one of the guys being shipped to Koahte [however you spell that, in Iraq]..I'm afraid for him, and I'm so suprised Dan's mother hasn't called us up yet in tears. I'm actually terrified for him, I pray he comes home safely, he's my 2nd brother.

Excitement for me..

Sat, 16 Nov 2002 02:27:45 GMT

Well..figured I'd update. I didn't go to school at all today I mostly talked on the phone, watched some t.v., and worked on highlighting information on the Marine Corp. That took me a good 2 hours in all. Which by the way I have to go out and buy new highlighters because their almost all run out. I really hope we win, it's not about winning really, just putting a good case together and getting a good grade. I have a good feeling about this, and I believe me and Christina can do this and win. If not at least know that we did a good job putting our case together, and at least get a good grade, or even get a tie out of it.

I now have a pretty good idea of what to expect from our last debate, because ours we slacked on, a lot of us thought we had a lot more time, but we truthfully didn't get started right away like we should've. I'm starting right now because I know if we don't then we're going to be far behind, and have to tie it all together, making it crappy, and last minute.

I'm just pumped and I have an overall good feeling about this, and maybe I'll even get an A on our Debate, which would be awesome.

~Jen<33

It hurts my soul..

Sun, 03 Nov 2002 01:18:59 GMT

Haven't updated in awhile, figured I should. Mom came out to visit, we actually are getting along better, and I hope it stays that way. I'm being lazy. I'll do my homework tommorow or something. No mood to do it tonight. Michigan State loses to Michigan. I don't care, I'm not like a lot of people who always go with the winning team. I still have mad love for Michigan State, always true!

Ok, well I am going to get something to eat and maybe do some laundry, that'd be nice. Getting off my lazy ass..hehe;]

Sat, 28 Sep 2002 23:03:48 GMT

Haven't updated on here in a long ass time. I'll probably end up deleting this one because no one reads this one anyways. If someone does sorry I just assumed no one did. The thing I'm looking forward to is homecoming, it's important to me, and most people are like that's dumb, but I'm sorry I'm not one of those people.

Life has been a drag for me, slowly I'm figuring that I don't understand myself anymore. I ask myself was I like this before, because I honestly don't remember, so I have this question left unanswered.

Sometimes I slip, but you be there to pick me up..

Thu, 15 Aug 2002 19:52:30 GMT

I can't really trust anyone with anything anymore. I'm keeping my biggest secrets in, because I trusted Matt with like so much shit he knows more shit about me then my own bestfriend, actually no I take that back he knows more shit that some of my friends, but def. not as much as my bestfriend.

I feel like screaming. Like hitting people over the head with something since I'm a violent child. Actually I really am not. I hate being talked about behind my back, it's so nice to know what people really think because they don't have the guts for confrontation, but if I have a problem I come to you right away, so fuck you! If you want to talk shit about me and Jamie go right ahead, we have nothing to hide, and chances are it isn't the truth only me and him would know the truth, because you assholes don't hang around us, now do you? No, I don't think so!

VandaL719: i wanna b down 4 u!!!!

:0) I feel special!!

xoxo
*~Shorty~*

I get high...

Sun, 11 Aug 2002 04:40:22 GMT

Why does everyone have to like the same people I like.. I mean either I like someone I shouldn't or they happen to like the guy I was crushing on or something a long that line, but hey, fuck it. I'll put my friends first as I must often do. I'm not going to go behind anyone's back because that's wrong. So I'll hide my feelings as I often do, and deny them.

Jon wanted me to go out on a date with his friend Eric because I guess Eric is interested in me. Everyone tells me how good he would treat me and shit, and hey he's like an inch taller than me:) I don't know hopefully Jon comes on soon so I can talk to him about it. I've been sick all day..

I babysit for my cousins tommorow. Whohoo!! I'm kind of pissed off but fuck it whatever.. I deserve that as I deserve many things.

Have to call Nanielle tommorow because I told her I would and because I don't know how long she's grounded, smartass stop telling your mom to kiss your ass..naughty naughty:(

*~Shory~*

Sat, 10 Aug 2002 00:08:39 GMT

I miss Bailey, me and her we're like the bestest friends ever. We use to be so close, and I miss hanging out with her, and everything, I wish she was online right now, so I could invite her to stay the night or something because I think she moved or is moving soon, so yea. I was thinking about when we were in Canada, omg that day was soo funny.

Last night the train sounded so scarey as I was drifting off to sleep, and that kind of freaks me out because it had never sounded like that before. Thinking about it..how would the person in the train feel if they hit someone, I'm sure they've hitten tons of people, but doesn't that make them want a new job? I know I would want a new one if I killed someone...that scares me..

Sun, 04 Aug 2002 04:42:28 GMT

"I Need You Now"

My friend, I need you now-
Please take me by the hand.
Stand by me in my hour of need,
Take time to understand.

Take my hand, dear friend,
And lead me from this place.
Chase away my doubts and fears,
Wipe the tears from off my face.

Friend, I cannot stand alone.
I need your hand to hold,
The warmth of your gentle touch
In my world that's grown so cold.

Please be a friend to me,
And hold me day by day.
Because with your loving hand in mine,
I know we'll find the way.

--Becky Tucker

Avril Lavigne "Naked"

Sat, 03 Aug 2002 00:38:13 GMT

*~I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes
But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust
Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right
I'm tyring to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my spirit
I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right
I'm naked
Oh oh yeah
Does it show?
Yeah, I'm naked
Oh oh, yeah yeah
I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through, baby~*

I hate hiding things, hate pretending, hate playing these little games, that one day our words are going to meet, and just maybe they will be the right one's and not the wrong one's.

Why do you have to hide things from me, isn't it better to say it now, not later, because sometimes there isn't later. Why do people have to let themselves think it will be ok, when it won't be. I'm so tired of playing everyone's games. I'm worn out.

There once was a saying that some girls listen to "The only guy you can depend on is daddy". That's a lie. I depend on my guy friends more then my dad, because my dad always breaks his promises, so does my mom. Wonder why my friendships to people mean so much? Because that's all I have, is my friends.

Jamie I put the song lyrics in for you, you let me put trust in you. Somethings I've said are totally uncalled for, and I had no right to say, but some things you've said that have bothered me or offended me and not once did I say anything because I didn't want to argue about it. Life is full of disappointments, let downs, or people that tell you things that hurt you or dislike, but you have to look past that because if you don't, you let it hurt you. Lately or well it has been that you were like one of my bestfriends. I didn't have to doubt telling you things because you listened and that meant a lot to me. I can't make you open to me, all I can give you is my word to not use it againest you, to not tell anyone, and to listen because if you need me, you know I'll be right by your side. If you don't want me to be fine, that is your choice. I'm not going to argue on it. There's so much more I want to say, but I'm no longer going to let it be said unless it has to be. Your a good person inside and out, and if no one can see that then their not worth your time, don't forget that, and don't forget me.

xoxo
*~Shorty~*

~Even though he's thuggin, I love him..

Thu, 01 Aug 2002 20:43:10 GMT

and I want him in my life..No matter what people say I'm gonna love him anyways cause he does a lot for me and that is why I'm gonna be a lover, a friend, a soldier til the end
And that's how it's gonna be*~*

I'm tired of worrying about offending people, because you know, it's part of fucking life, so get over it. People I offend have offended me, and I take that personal, so don't expect me to not offend you back.

Me: then this guy is suppose to put wood on some of our floor
Ro*hen (lol): ill show you a wood lol and put you on the floor.

See I love my perverted guy friends their terrific:)

Wittle Gurl4u86: my wrist hurts..agh!
VandaL719: o my...;-)

xoxo
~Shorty~

Even when though he's thuggin, I love him..:)heh. I love all my thugs. You guys are the best.

Convo I had

Fri, 19 Jul 2002 20:06:34 GMT

FreakinYou13: I love you like I always have
Wittle Gurl4u86: which is how?
FreakinYou13: with all my heart
Wittle Gurl4u86: which is how?
FreakinYou13: ok I think about you all the time and when I am with you I cant take my eyes off of you, when I am without you I just wish you were here to hold me and just tell me that your there for me
Wittle Gurl4u86: I am here for you
FreakinYou13: I know
Wittle Gurl4u86: I can't give you love back, not love you want from me
Wittle Gurl4u86: so that would not be fair to you
FreakinYou13: what do you mean
FreakinYou13: why cant you love
Wittle Gurl4u86: I love you as my best friend, not the love you need, the love you deserve
FreakinYou13: is that the only way you can love me
Wittle Gurl4u86: thats sumthin i need 2 figure out
FreakinYou13: what happened
Wittle Gurl4u86: part of my heart belongs to Jamie, that part that is tryin 2 get over him
FreakinYou13: ok
Wittle Gurl4u86: i cant give you the love you need
FreakinYou13: ok
Wittle Gurl4u86: or the love you deserve, i cant say it n not mean it
Wittle Gurl4u86: love is such a small word, but it holds where the heart is
Wittle Gurl4u86: at this point my heart isnt anywhere
FreakinYou13: ok
FreakinYou13: well hun I have to go
FreakinYou13: I love you even if you cant love me
FreakinYou13: byebye

I don't know how I feel about Jamie, I care, but my caring isn't enough, I think my heart can't love someone if they don't love me, even though sometimes it does. But I just need advice, what should I do? Please someone reply.

Feel Meh?

Thu, 18 Jul 2002 17:48:48 GMT

I seriously need to find some really cool people to be able to just hang around with, the type that let me be this crazy girl, fun-loving, care-free me. That's totally how I am. Most people like Brandon probably never got to see the real me until yesterday. I was close with everyone in my neighborhood, I knew just about everyone, and if I didn't, I soon would. I wasn't scared to start convo's with people, but when I went to visit, I didn't see hardly anyone, that's not how I left Westland, if I wanted to be alone I'd never be in Westland, but that can be a good thing. I use to always go for walks, and either see Bryan, Stacia, Carson, Doug, John, Conley, Ryan, Ashley, Tiffany, Todd, Brandon, Brad, Brian, Bobby, or Kristen. See our neighborhood was close, we grew up together, everyone basically knew about everyone else's lives. The good thing was how they never judged you because of what they saw. I need to find cool people like that over here. I mean, yea there's a lot of cool people, tons in fact, but how many would actually like to hang out with me? Meaning when I want to smoke, who will smoke with me and so on.

I'm finally glad at where me and Jamie stand at, because were at this basis that we made a promise no matter what we'd be friends forever, people can say that shit isn't possible, but in truth it is. I'm the type of person I can so easily hide my true feelings if I think it's going to help me, I'm the type who can finally let shit go even if I care, which I don't even know if I do. I got to find other things out there, see what else is in store for me.

I luv him but not love him, for awhile I truthfully honestly did. I did because of how strong of a person he was, how good he could make me feel, how happy I was when talking to him. Why I luv him now is because he can push me away, and I'll stay, because I know he needs someone, not like mentally, but physically, and I need that too. He needs the hugs, and reassurance without words, or maybe that's just me. What he told me yesterday made me feel really good inside, he said basically how I'm a good friend because I didn't walk away from our friendship and tried to make our friendship work. Let's just say I shortened that up. That meant a lot to me, so I cried happy tears. I know I'm not perfect, don't ever claim to be, and sure as hell don't ever want to be, but I want to be the best to people I care about.

Jamie your like my 2nd half, we're alike is so much shit, so I just can sit there and relate, and that makes me feel good. To know I wasn't all alone, your my t.b., you give me strength along with a smile, thanks a lot hun. It means a lot to me.

~Shorty

Supposed to got to eat around 5ish. So I'm gonna eat, finish up some laundry (hehe), take a shower and then take a nap..idk however I find myself doing things.

Thu, 18 Jul 2002 05:18:01 GMT

I hate when people fucking try to help things by saying things that I never even said, or things I might have wanted kept between me and that person.

If I happen to tell a friend how I feel, I don't want them to blab their mouthes, so don't. Even in this case, I happened to tell someone exactly nothing of how I really felt, so they assumed, don't assume. If I feel something I need to figure out how I feel before anyone jumps to conclusions.

I am me, I have to grasp the concept of that. Idealy, that's what most people should do. Other than that, that's it.

Major Headache

Tue, 16 Jul 2002 01:37:29 GMT

Ashanti "Happy"

Boy you fill me with so much joy
You give whatever it is that I need
Now I'm here to stay,
Won't never leave
So glad that you fell
In love with me

My love is so good
That I wouldn't be without you babe
Couldn't see me without you babe
My love is so good
That I wouldn't be without you babe
Couldn't see me without you babe

All of my life (I've been searching for you)
Everyday (So glad that I found you boy)
On my mind (I've been feining for you)
Everyday (I'm so happy baby)

Boy you got me feeling so good
You take all the pain away from me
Without you around, I couldn't breathe
And I knew you fell in love with me

My love is so good
That I wouldn't be without you babe
Couldn't see me without you babe

My love is so good
That I wouldn't be without you babe
Couldn't see me without you babe

All of my life (I've been searching for you)
Everyday (So glad that I found you boy)
On my mind (I've been feining for you)
Everyday (I'm so happy baby)

I'm so happy that I fell in love
I thank God he sent you from above
I'm so happy that I found someone
I thank God he sent you from above

All of my life (I've been searching for you)
Everyday (So glad that I found you boy)
On my mind (I've been feining for you)
Everyday (I'm so happy baby)

All of my life (I've been searching for you)
Everyday (So glad that I found you boy)
On my mind (I've been feining for you)
Everyday (I'm so happy baby)

Ohhh that I wouldn't be without you babe
Couldn't see me without you babe
It's so good, that I wouldn't be without you babe
Couldn't see me without you baby

~You see right through me And I can't hide I'm naked Around you And it feels so right~

Sun, 14 Jul 2002 03:15:34 GMT

My brother leaves tommorrow morning. I wish he would have had the chance to meet Jamie, he wouldn't stop bugging me to bring him by so he could meet him, but then when Jamie would be coming over, my brother would have already been gone.

I just woke up from an hour and a half-2 hour nap, and I feel really shitty. I don't feel like I won the gold anymore. No one is really online, I was talking to Matt and Jenn and that's about it, so now I'm just sitting here, listening to music.

I want to see Jamie right now...lol!?! A girl has got to have some lovin from her man. Especially this one. I'm so glad we had that convo, even though it was kinda embarrassing at first. "Cuz I love the way you touch me, Nobody can get it
And if it's comin or gunnin, Just considered it's spitted
So when you gone for a minute, I just fantasize, Like if it's you that's all in it, Then I'm satisfied til you come back to me".

Jenn and me might do something tommorow, so that should be fun.
I got my Alloy catalog, I think I'm going to order some shit from there, there's so much cute shit, plus I love their pants, their nice and snug on the booty..goes perfectly around my waist, and then I don't have to roll them up or anything, for being a shorty and all, I have to do that with a lot of my pants is the roll the bottoms up. I do wish I had a Jay-Lo booty, that is my big wish..lmao..I have no idea who's reading this, I don't even care, damnit. I just want a bigger fuckin ass.

Jenn if you ever like Dave again, I will beat your damned ass. You deserve better than him, and he isn't worth the trouble whatsoever. Take it from the girl who dated him for 11 months, and on the trip, be nice, but don't be shocked if he turns about to be totally different than you remember, you deserve soo much better, your the sweetest, don't settle for less than you should have. If a guy doesn't like you, he's missing out on a lot, but don't take less, take more, you deserve the best, hunny. I love you girl.

~Shorty

Jenny's hormones are on a rampage, and Jenny needs Jamie asap. :)

Fri, 12 Jul 2002 20:39:26 GMT

I keep laughing about something Jamie said the other day. God I love you, Jamie. "Come herre I havta axe yo sumthin"..I'm sorry I'm still laughing about it, even though it was like two or three days ago.

-take my eyes and i won't see you,

Thu, 11 Jul 2002 03:44:03 GMT

take my ears cause i don't want to hear you.
take my pride i don't want to lose you,
take my fists and i won't bruise you.
take my hands i don't want to feel you,
take my mind and i won't fear you.
take my lips and i won't lust you,
take my lies i don't trust you.-

I liked this, It caught my attention.

Do You Love Me? A question I find myself asking most frequently, but I'm so scared 2 say, because what if the moment I ask, is the moment you tell me you don't. I'm so scared to lose this love I have, and yet I have this feeling I am, and it scares me. When I love someone (friend, family memeber, boyfriend) in which cases isn't a lot, because I always end up losing them. Why did I fall in love, why? It scares me, if I lose him as a boyfriend, I won't allow myself to lose him as a friend, I just won't. He's the first guy who has made me care so much, has made every smile warm my heart, every kiss worth while. Everytime I hug him, I can't say I'd like to be anywhere else. Yes, I'm aware that you say you love me, but I don't want you to say it because that's how I feel, I want you to say because that's how you feel.

I don't know how you feel, I have all these questions to ask, but if I ask them, I'm scared that I'll only lose you, and I don't want to lose you again, we've come far, or so I think, and I want us to only grow stronger, relationships aren't supposed to be easy, but I want ours to be approachable, one's that you can't just ignore.

"And you cast your fears aside and you know you can't survive.."

Whoever reads this please at least post a comment, so I know who is reading this, and Jamie especially you too.

!Shorty!